Sun From Both Sides
by Oneturtledove
Summary: I didn't know what I was missing until....


Disclaimer: I almost want them more than they want each other. Nix the creeper factor.

Spoilers: eh... if you hadn't seen it, you wouldn't know you were being spoiled anyway.

A/N: If it's this bad now, it's really gonna suck someday when I know what I'm missing.

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They say that you don't know what you've got until it's gone. But then I suppose that you don't know what you're missing until you've got it. Both are worlds of ignorance. Ignorance is only bliss in retrospect, and even then bliss is fleeting.

I didn't know I what I was missing until he brushed my tears away, and tucked me under his chin, protecting me from the world.

I didn't know what I was missing until his hand squeezed mine, encouraging me to press on.

I didn't know what I was missing until his arm wrapped around my shoulder and warmed me within, giving me the strength to stand up and fight.

I didn't know what I was missing until I woke up to his smiling face, telling me that he was glad we had another day together.

I didn't know what I was missing until he brought me breakfast in the morning, just because he was thinking about me.

I didn't know what I was missing until I fell asleep with his voice in my ear, assuring that he would be there to chase the demons away.

I didn't know what I was missing until his lips touched my forehead in the utmost sign of reverence and adoration.

I didn't know what I was missing until my stomach hurt from laughing and the glow from his eyes matched the glow in my heart.

I didn't know what I was missing until he used my kitchen and never asked where anything was- a true sign of comfort and familiarity.

I didn't know what I was missing until I found a Hershey Kiss in my pocket, just to make me smile.

I didn't know what I was missing until his eyes met mine and I knew what he was thinking.

I didn't know what I was missing until we went several hours without speaking, but were able to pick up the previous conversation as if there hadn't been a lapse.

I didn't know what I was missing until his fingers traced my face, lulling me to sleep, completely free.

I didn't know what I was missing until I saw how hard other people worked to communicate, and realized how lucky we were.

I had been missing safety, joy, connection, stability, love, devotion, support and a plethora of other things that he brings me with a simple word or touch. I had never longed for those things until he started showing them to me. I suppose it's much like someone who has their first cigarette and is instantly addicted. Every encounter deepens the need. Of course these new feelings are much less harmful and exponentially preferable to a nicotine addiction.

Back when I was ignorant of what I was missing, I didn't long for anything. I was content with what I had. But then I met him. It didn't take long for the need to press into my heart, unsettling the little world I had created. I can still remember the moment when I knew what I had been missing. The moment it all came together. It was simple. Nothing earth shattering; a comment made facetiously, accompanied with an eyeroll.

_"I'm not going to ask you if you just said what I think you just said because I know it's what you just said."_

This may not seem like the time to realize how I felt. But it was and I still cannot explain it. Maybe it was the actual utterance of the depth with which I knew him, or maybe fate chose that moment to spark.

I chose not to question it.

After that, everything fell into place. I finally understood that I had been missing the mysterious _ONE_ that Melissa had always talked about. The other person whose soul I had met before. I never really believed in all that, and still take it with a huge grain of salt. But I knew where the idea had come from. Someone so delicately embedded into your life, your heart, your mind that to be without them was simply unnatural.

It wasn't long after that when I found out just how indelible I was on his soul as well. A short, loose handhold in the hospital after a warped version of Russian Roulette. It conveyed just enough. A new step in our amateur dance, a moment never discussed but always remembered, a feeling never analyzed but always cherished.

We did so much between the lines, in the subtext, without talking, it was only natural to slowly glide into this new facet of the thing we called _us._ It was a slow, comfortable cultivation, one that could only produce the most savory fruit. It seemed that we were in a constant season of both growing and harvest; an exciting adventure juxtaposed with a steady caution.

I didn't know what I was missing until his lips found mine in the age-old symbol of love. Our life flashed before me in that moment, and I knew I would never miss anything again.

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Challenge Quote: To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. -David Viscotti


End file.
